Thursday, April 7, 2011

Heartless.

I have no feelings, emotion or anything. If I had any, they're buried somewhere really deep inside of me. Having an over expressive sister either makes me more expressive than her, or being completely guarded. I'm guarded. I am heartless. Cold as ice and frozen. I am like a robot incapable of showing fear, hope or happiness. I spend my days trying to find my feelings, trying to get them out. I can't. The only way I could do it is through music and writing songs, and I do that by myself. All by myself, alone, in my room all day hidden from everything and everyone. I don't speak much about my feelings. I don't speak much at all.
My life is not falling apart, I am not heartbroken, I'm not depressed. I have issues. There, I admit it. I think everyone has a right to feel this way. It's not always blue skies and things are not always alright, but everything happens for a reason. Not quite sure what that reason is yet though.

I have not been blogging lately because I didn't have anything to say. Weird coming from the person who always has something to write about. I don't know why my words seemed to have run dry. Song writing was slow too. Maybe because I have not been feeling much. (I can only write if I am feeling any emotion very strongly.) Things will change today. Today, I will blog. I will blog a lot about everything and anything that pops in and out of my mind.  :)
Firstly, I am happy right now. Happy because I just got a really cool box like thing from times square!! It's an M-Audio FastTrack used to record voice and guitar at the same time. I am also happy because I am starting my little home recording studio. Bit by bit, it's coming together.
We went for my grand aunt's birthday party last night, and it was okay... Well, better than the last few years though. It's hard to hang out with family, my mom's family is huge! (so is my dad's but they don't get along as well so we don't really meet up..) Most of them don't really speak english, and those who do... well, we all keep to ourselves. The food was good, they even prepared special vegetarian dishes. We bought vinegar for the gift. Weird, but it is actually the drinking vinegar. Everything was served into large plates and everything in those large plates were huge. I barely ate because Sam and I ate chips on the way to dinner (which was a more than two hour journey) and were absolutely full by the time we got there so I started making roses out of the starch the restaurant used as decorations. All in all, we got to see our grandmother and relatives and it was fun.
I have also been really hooked on Grey's Anatomy. It's the best show ever. Love the stories and emotions and drama. And it's not too disgusting too, considered that it's about doctors and stuff. Can't wait to rent season 5!
After the excitement and happiness, tomorrow will be badminton. I personally don't like badminton because I kinda suck at it. Actually I really suck at it. I lost to a seven year old once.

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