Monday, May 30, 2011

Blank pages

Don't you just hate it when you've gone from over-productive to not doing anything? I've been facing this problem throughout the year. My lack of inspiration is frustrating me. I haven't been able to write many songs or good songs these few months. 
If you'd like to analyze that, I think it's my emotionlessness thats causing this. Because I need to really feel something to write a song. If I just make up a bunch of words, how special can that song become? 
Lately I haven't been feeling much of anything with enough intensity to write down. 
I don't feel insecure much anymore, I don't feel alone anymore(although I should be after being constantly bombarded with questions like "you're homeschooled right? isn't it a little, you know.... lonely?"), I don't feel angry because I've moved on, I don't see sparks fly when I meet someone anymore, I don't feel my heart racing anymore and I don't feel like crying anymore.
I'm actually... happy. 
There's nothing feeding the inspiration. It's like all of a sudden, my words disappeared. I think I can't just write about nothing. I can't just rhyme words and make up a song anymore like I used to. They have to mean something to me now. That's when I know it is honest and true and I'm not lying to myself or anyone. 
What do I do? 
I've come up with a conclusion that I should just live life and not force anything. The songs that I write stand between a thin line between things that have happened and things I wish had happened. Those things don't come everyday like the newspaper or an email.
 I'm happy. There is no darkness, no tears, no regret, no sadness. 
Just blank pages.

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