Thursday, January 23, 2014

Too much time on my hands; pondering about life and making plans.

How much longer am I allowed to say 'Happy New Year' before it stops being 'happy' or 'new'?
It is the 23rd of January. I've committed myself to reading more books and so far that has been going pretty well. I'm really enjoying The Catcher In The Rye at the moment and also To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm eagerly anticipating ice-skating class on friday and also working on my EP (!!!!)
I got new ice skates during our holiday in Singapore. It has always been a dream of mine to learn how to ice skate. You see, when I was little I only wanted to be either a princess, a ballerina or an ice-skater. I've crossed out being a princess as my life's ambition, and realised that I am a terrible dancer. I love it, but I'm really bad at it. Sometimes you can work so hard and not give up on something, but it doesn't always mean that you will see improvements. Maybe I just need to work even harder. I don't have that natural turn-out or arched feet or flexibility. I have been trying though. I've been learning since I was 6, so I'm not going to give up now but it's just going to be a hobby for me. I got my very first pair of demi-pointe shoes the other day (they're the kind that are shiny and soft, like the kind you see professional ballet dancers wear) and I wondered to myself; why am I doing this? I felt I didn't deserve getting those shoes at all. Maybe its all this free time that is making me question everything. Too much free time is not good for me. I get bored. I willingly cleaned my grandparent's entire house while they were away. I realised I clean when I'm bored. It's not weird... right?  I also think too much when I have a lot of free time. I wonder if I'm making the right decisions in navigating my life. I think about a lot of things that only time can tell. As more days in the year pass, the excitement of 'new beginnings' fade into a never-ending spiral of doubt and uncertainty- which apparently comes with taking chances and trying new things. I had a long talk with my grandmother, popo the other day on the train. She thinks that I have the 'potential' to do something better with my life besides music. I'm going to turn 18 in less than a month, and she keeps asking when I'm going back to school. There's a lot of pressure. I wonder how long I can just nod and agree with her while I do something else before she finds out...
I almost forgot, welcome to my new blog! I changed the whole layout of it. It's not so pink anymore, thank goodness. I don't know what got into me when I decided that I would turn my entire blog pink. Anyway, hope you're having a good year so far. 

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