Saturday, February 6, 2021

January 24th 2021

Two weeks since MCO had started again and it’s already felt like a month. So, so many Zoom calls. After almost a year, it’s hard to imagine things ever going back to normal. I almost feel afraid to make plans nowadays. I miss my friends, and I miss my grand aunt. She only lives two hours away, but we couldn’t visit her all year. I miss all the things I didn’t think I’d miss doing. Chinese New Year is coming, but we won’t all be together.

January is starting off really busy so far. I got a songwriting job! It’s probably a one-off thing, and it gave me something to dive into and spend my time on. Right as lockdown started I started work on the song, then had meetings with people on the other side of the world, so it was a little convenient that I could schedule stuff following their timezones and not worry about rushing to work after. I’ve pretty much gotten used to writing songs at 7am now and am really grateful for co-writes. Then, I got a second writing job the day after I sent in the previous one. If there’s one thing I learnt about being in the music industry, is that opportunities are fleeting and nothing’s ever really certain. Taking it a step at a time, I’m going to give this my best and hope I get to do this again. There’s been some pretty crazy experiences that are all still in the grey area of “this may or may not happen” so I don’t want to jinx anything. Things are happening. Slowly, but it’s so exciting. 

There’s this underlying pressure to make the most out of every day, to be productive and constantly work on something, especially now that we are in lockdown here again. I tend to feel restless and almost guilty when I have too much free time, and I think I need to learn to be okay with not doing anything sometimes because even at home I find myself still trying to fill up my days with something to do. Home has to be everything now: it’s the office, studio, a cafe, it is where we’re having all our meals, but it’s also still a place to rest. I think that makes me appreciate what we have even more. Electricity, wifi, clean water. Especially after all the water disruptions  last year. I realised we can save so much water just by using the rain water for washing clothes, cleaning the floor, flushing toilets. It’s been raining quite a lot so we’re doing what we can with that. 

We celebrated my Sam’s birthday on Thursday. Last year we were the only two in the family who got to celebrate our birthdays outside quarantine. It’s strange because we’re loving this time, and we have all grown closer in the past year. Every night feels like reunion dinner or thanksgiving, it used to be so hard to have everyone in one place. I remember I used to stay out as long as I could at work, or hanging out with friends. I used to stay out on purpose and now I don’t know why I did. These are hard times but we’ve found a lot of healing in the days that feel the same. I like to think we’re still growing as people and learning to be better to ourselves and the people around us.

Flash forward a few weeks, today is February 6th. That one-time songwriting opportunity has turned out to be what I’ve been doing full-time since then. Sam is now helping me with production while I write the next song. Some days I’ve been writing 2-3 songs, and even though most of the songs aren’t for me I try to help tell someone’s story to the best I can. This feels like I’m a little step closer to being a songwriter/artist, one day I would like to hear my own song and an artist cut on the radio. Hopefully there’s still radio when that happens. By writing to a deadline with specific requirements and expectations took a bit of getting used to. Overall, I really enjoy doing this. The Valentine’s Day rush is a little overwhelming but I think it might quiet down over the next few weeks.

I realised that by writing this way, there’s no waiting for inspiration. It’s showing up to write when needed- kind of creating on demand. So yeah, there’s that. I’m very happy and also a little tired.

Thanks for reading this!


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