Monday, May 30, 2011
Don't you just hate it when you've gone from over-productive to not doing anything? I've been facing this problem throughout the year. My lack of inspiration is frustrating me. I haven't been able to write many songs or good songs these few months.
If you'd like to analyze that, I think it's my emotionlessness thats causing this. Because I need to really feel something to write a song. If I just make up a bunch of words, how special can that song become?
Lately I haven't been feeling much of anything with enough intensity to write down.
I don't feel insecure much anymore, I don't feel alone anymore(although I should be after being constantly bombarded with questions like "you're homeschooled right? isn't it a little, you know.... lonely?"), I don't feel angry because I've moved on, I don't see sparks fly when I meet someone anymore, I don't feel my heart racing anymore and I don't feel like crying anymore.
I'm actually... happy.
There's nothing feeding the inspiration. It's like all of a sudden, my words disappeared. I think I can't just write about nothing. I can't just rhyme words and make up a song anymore like I used to. They have to mean something to me now. That's when I know it is honest and true and I'm not lying to myself or anyone.
What do I do?
I've come up with a conclusion that I should just live life and not force anything. The songs that I write stand between a thin line between things that have happened and things I wish had happened. Those things don't come everyday like the newspaper or an email.
I'm happy. There is no darkness, no tears, no regret, no sadness.
Just blank pages.
I couldn't think of any title than this because I was listening to Days Of Thunder by Brooks And Dunn. Anyway, last friday we had a class party at CLIC at the park. My mom and I went to buy snacks aka junk food (what class party doesn't have that right?) and everyone at the supermarket was buying junk food too. All preparing for their class parties. I wonder how much business these companies would loose if we didn't have class parties....
Friday, May 27, 2011
Imagine me, the straight-faced, hardly filled with any emotion, rarely smiling robotic me having that look on my face and jumping up and down with happiness. I know you probably can't, but I did. And it really happened.
I was bored, so I went online to check how the video I posted the day before was doing. Ooohh! theres a comment! So I clicked on it closing my eyes praying someone didn't say anything mean, and there were 3 comments! YouTube must have made a mistake in telling me there was one, because I definitely saw three. Best of all, they were not mean!
As if this five minutes couldn't get any better, I saw at the side that my video has 78 views! Thats when I just froze in shock. Then I ran downstairs to tell my mom, and then I ran back up here to blog about it. And tell all of YOU :)
Plus, yesterday was the day I managed to tie a fish-bone braid correctly without the fish bone looking like it was deformed or broken.
I watched my own video. From start to end once it was uploaded on YouTube. I think it's good luck to do that. This proves it is!
Ok. I'm done spreading my joy around the internet now.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
For a while, I was lazy to bake. After the flea market and all that, I had enough of baking. After the loooong break, I'm baking again! hehe.
While the cupcakes were in the oven, Sam and I did some experimenting. How can we roast marshmallow without a fire? Baking it made it soft and gooey-ish which tasted really good. Well, we didn't stop there. What would it be like if we micro-waved it?
here's our end result...
Every night as I sleep, somebody goes to the shoe rack and takes my socks. Yes, weird that it's not the shoe it's taking. The next morning, I find all my socks and my family's socks missing! They're not inside the shoes anymore. So we search and search but we can't find a thing. Then, at the corner of the garden sits the innocent looking dog looking at us with her big brown eyes. She sits there as if she does not know what's going on. But her innocence is suspicious. She's hiding something....
She gets up to greet us and what do we find? ALL our missing socks, on a pile of sand. Dirty and full of holes, they never knew what hit them. Now they will never see the insides of our shoes again, only the sad lonely life without the other half of their pair looking only at life from the bottom of our trash can.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Ballet exams are finally over and I can't find a title to this blog. I start writing and writing and then at the end, I find that my posting is too RANDOM to even pin-point what exactly I was talking about in the first place. Maybe I'll just title this post "untitled".
Yeah, real original....
Wait, what was I talking about again?
Right. Ballet exams. Yup they're finally over. No more anxious countdown to the day I step into a room and having to dance to a complete stranger who has a british accent and ironically determines what my grades are going to be. No more having to be extra careful not to have fall, trip or have anything fall on me (maybe I still have to be careful...).
Just when it's finally over and I think I can finally breathe, it's not over yet. After the sigh of relief, I relive the moments hoping that I didn't make any mistakes. Hoping the examiner liked it. Thinking "I should've jumped a little higher, maybe stood a little taller." "Did I do that right? was I supposed to step the other way?" All the stress of something that inevitably cannot be changed. Wouldn't it be cool if it could? Then again, we humans would probably abuse that and end up with something bad we can't handle . Maybe the end of the world. (by the way, what's all the end of the world stuff I'm seeing on the internet? Sorry, I'm not that much of a movie buff. Is it from a movie?)
Anyway, this time I am not going to worry too much about what I can't change. I have been doing that in the past, but I can't change that right?
I think I did better than last year though.
My heart didn't feel like it was pounding out of my chest this year. I felt myself smiling this time and hopefully it was a smile big enough for the examiner to notice. I don't think I slipped. So I'm kinda hoping I would get some better marks than last year's 58.
So yeah, that's what I did on friday (friday, friday! lol) and tomorrow I'm going ice-skating! maybe I'll make another video blog. It's been a while since I have.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Ballet exams tomorrow! Maybe its time to freak out a little?
I'm so worried about my Character dances. Last exam I only got 5 out of ten marks in that section! I felt I did badly...
Today I talked to one of my tuition classmates and she said she does ballet too. (at least there's something to talk about now. I was getting tired of the silence. you can seriously hear the air condition buzzing.) Anyway, she's in advance two already. Can you believe it? and she's my age. sigh. So many of my friends started ballet years later than me and yet they're still ahead.
I'll just try my best and be happy that I finally got this far. My clumsiness isn't helping though.
I've got this big bruise on my knee and I can't kneel properly. The upside to my teacher not looking at me is that she won't notice all of my mistakes.
I think I'm quite a bad dancer. My teacher doesn't say anything after I dance now. Maybe she's given up... I hope she hasn't though...
I have to get more that 58 marks this year. I have to.
Just need smile and not be so stiff.
I spent today in my room, recording a new cover. Editing, adjusting, listening, playing back... keeping myself busy doing these kind of things. It makes it even better when the end result is about 80% to my expectations. My room is like a mini recording studio now!
Here's my new cover....
This time I used a camera instead of my webcam and I've never known clarity like this before! haha. All this while I had grainy videos and it didn't occur to me that I had a tripod stand collecting dust in the corner of my bedroom. It was my first time using it so there are a few jumps in the video.
All in all, I'm pretty happy with it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Went to see Lee Dewyze today!
I watched him since American Idol (although I also supported Crystal) and it was pretty cool to be able to finally watch him live. It was a free concert but to get it I had to buy his CD, and when I bought it, I could get into the meet and greet line. It was very quick and strict. Only the album booklet could be signed and nothing else. Someone managed to get their guitar signed but I didn't bring mine... :(
His eyes were so blue and I really believe that he looked and smile at me (not just at my direction) during one of his songs. (no, I didn't go round telling everyone "he LOOKED at me!!" I just smiled back. not a big deal. Is it?)
Lee was so nice. He even greeted us in Malay!
It was an acoustic show with just him and his guitar, and a pianist.
The crowd was huge!!! and every time he'd say "this is the last song" we'd scream and cheer.
So, he sang three more 'one last songs'.